Title Less Entry :P

After being a mother for a year and half, I felt that, this is the hardest job in the world. I always thought I will be able to deal with it, I will have some routine, fix things and will be able to focus on myself a bit. Everything will be in my control! But turns out, its not as simple as I thought. Everyday I have a new challenge. Every hour I am consumed with what to do next for my son, Elon. Food? Change? Bath? Play? Take him out?? and off course many questions in the mind all the time: am I doing things right? Is he eating enough? Are these healthy food? Is he getting enough outside exposure? Am I teaching him the right way?? blah blah….this constant questions and responsibilities has made my life so busy that I rarely get time for myself. And I think it is very important to find time for myself. An exhausted soul can’t be productive, so to spend quality time with Elon (not quantity only) I should have breaks for myself. I should spend some relaxing time….very hard to do, but I will have to find a way..in the mean time I have to manage time to study..so that I don’t loose touch with programming…

Well, this post was a break time for me that I was able to manage some today πŸ˜‰ I think I will use my breaks for reading, writing blogs etc. That will be a nice use of it πŸ™‚

Quote: “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. – Jimmy Dean

Me – a Mother!

Yesterday was mother’s day, a wonderful day to celebrate one of the most important person of our life. With some exceptions, we all dearly love our mothers. And interestingly, when we become parent we realize it even more. Specially as a girl we realize what path exactly a mother had to choose to raise us, what sacrifices she had to make and how hard it was.

I am a mother now πŸ™‚ I became a mother on July 28, 2013. My 9 month pregnancy journey was not very bad, I was eagerly waiting for the day to see my son, read all kind of articles about delivery, watched all kind of videos to know what to expect.

So, when the day came (delivery day), I didn’t panic. I calmly went to the hospital, got checked by the docs and was waiting. But when the labor pain started I realized – boy oh boy… nothing can calm me now, whatever I did, nothing helped! The pain is so excruciating as everyone describe it, tehre is no escape from it if you have a normal delivery :/Β  After about 9 hours in labor, my son ‘Elon’ was born at 10.22 AM. In so much pain I forgot everything and felt like crying out of love and happiness. When I first hold him, he bent hisΒ  lips and cried like snobby kid ..as if he was telling me where were u so long πŸ™‚ And all the pain for last 9 hours disappeared after holding him and looking at him πŸ™‚

Nine months has passed since then πŸ™‚ he’s a crawler now, trying to stand/walk, blabbering once in a while.

Life is extremely stressful now. Me and my husband had no clue how hard it would be to take care of a baby, we are overwhelmed with all the responsibilities…sleepless nights….rarely any breaks for ourselves….and still aren’t used to all these….but every time I look at him..crawling..crying for me to hold him…smiling…playing…hugging me tight when he sees me after long time…all the pain seems totally worth it..it is the most wonderful thing that happened to me, people always used to talk about unconditional love for children, I have learned this after Elon came to my life. Everyday is a surprise, he’s doing something new, everyday is a blessing, its extremely stressful and pain at times, but still its so amazing!

Jeff Atwood, a software developer and blogger once wrote in his blog (http://blog.codinghorror.com/on-parenthood/) that:

“Children are 49% incredible pain in the ass, and 51% most sublime joy you have ever felt”

(I surely can feel what Jeff meant :))

Well, the motherhood journey has just barely started actually, still a long way to go, but every day pass by, I realized how hard it was for my mother to raise me, how painful it was, specially we have so many built in systems, which she didn’t, it must have been so hard. Each day my love and respect for her keeps growing and I feel so grateful for having a wonderful mother like her!

Here is a picture of my baby Elon and my beautiful mother πŸ™‚


My mother and my 6 month old son :)

My mother and my 6 month old son πŸ™‚

My 9 month old son

My 9 month old son

Facebook – How It Impacts Me

I have been thinking about my perspective on usage of Facebook. I have had mixed feeling of how I feel, sometimes I was over excited, sometimes over emotional, sometimes angry but recently I also noticed its changing my thought process, the way I see life, my expectations are changing, my future plans are changing even my personality type is impacted by FB.

The part that bugs me most is confusion! Each of my friends and families live in a certain way, and each of them express their feelings, preferences, the way they live their life through pictures, statuses in their own way – sometimes off course the sole purpose is showing the world πŸ˜›

Sometimes it really confuses me (personally), cause sometimes an expression by someone looks so alluring that even if my personality will never would agree on such things, I lean towards those ideas! Seeing people living in a certain way sometimes makes me feel ‘Am I living the right way? Should I be doing that or this?’ I want and try my best to be an observer on FB and try to be less interactive, I do not want to be influenced by something which probably has no value in my personal practical life, I do not want to change my priorities just because some one said something cool and I think I should do the same leaving everything else.

I am a human being and not perfect at all, everyday I give my best shots to improve myself in the things I believe I should be better, but last few months I have noticed, I am losing my track, and the more I was confused the more I realized a big catalyst has been FB! I got drifted apart in so many ways from my original thoughts and plans to some random ones just because in the social world of FB it looked cooler/facinating πŸ™‚

It may all sound very weird and confusing to some readers, but if anyone is in the same place as me, will understand what I am trying to express. Everybody is different, so I do not expect anyone to agree with me, these are purely my personal thoughts and how I am disturbed by the presence of FB. Nonetheless, I must agree, there are things I do love about FB, and that is why I do not want to just deactivate and disappear! Rather, I feel from now on I should try even more harder to be an observer and be strong at what I stand for in my personal/professional life. I can grab the ideas/concepts by others I really admire and that matches my personality but I surely have to be careful with my usage of Facebook for my own benefit πŸ™‚

Welness Retreat II – A Changed Lipna!

The three days(Sept 3 – Sept 6) at Birchcreek Retreat Center has been a whole different experience of my life! Three days living on juice only!!

A typical day there was like:

  • Wake up around 8.30 PM
  • Have a Berley shot
  • Walk for 1.5 hours in the beautiful jungle and lakes
  • Have a juice for breakfast
  • Around 11 either do workouts or yoga depending on the treat you chose.
  • Around 12.30 lunch, smoothie
  • Around 2PM, again either do workouts or yoga depending on the treat you
  • Break between 3-4ish.
  • Around 4/4.30 again either do workouts or yoga depending on the treat you
  • Then 6PM, dinner, juice again
  • Whole day drink water!

We (all the guests) used to talk and hang out after the walk or lunch or dinner. We used to talk about how our life came to a stage where we can’t take it anymore and committed to make a change, we finally want to take care of ourselves, improve ourselves. All of these weer very helpful for me, talking constructive and being productive!

I loved the kick boxing we did for the work out training, also loved the yoga where she taught me different yoga practices, poses and was more focused on my relaxation, which I needed most πŸ™‚

It was only 3 days for me, losing only 4lb, not at all visible, but I feel something has changed inside me, I feel more stronger and more controlled. I am not sure if it is temporary or what, but so far it feels so good, I feel so much energized than before, I feel so active and strong. 3 days isn’t a big time to make all these changes, but something inside me is strongly hit and changed a big part of me in a good way. This time I feel I am not going to lose myself, and damn it feels good to be back to the person I always wanted to be πŸ™‚

Welness Retreat I – Escape!

Written on: September 03, 2012 – First Day on Birchcreek Retreat Center

I have been thinking about this for a while and then in a spike of an emotional moment I ended up reserving this place at Birchcreek Retreat Center for three days – to escape, to think and to explore myself! I am sure three days can’t change my life, but I just needed to do it! I have been telling about it almost every single day for last few years!

So, in the spark of a moment, I booked the ticket at midnight(Sept 2nd) for the next day without any confirmation! Next day woke up and called the center to confirm the reservation! Then went to Port Authority to get to the bus to Pine Hills! I was supposed to be on an Eid event of a friends, hanging out eating good foods with good friends, instead I was in the bus on my way to a place I have no clue of, hoping to surprise myself!

Well, the four hour ride has been really good! Even though it was cloudy the whole day, yet I didn’t get tired of the scenic view of upstate.

Finally I reached pine hill, a small suburb if Ulster. A staff member of the retreat was there to pick me up.Β  When I reached there, I didn’t see anybody. After official check ins, she showed me around the place and then I got into my room, its a sweet small lovely room on 3rd floor, i could see the jungles and the water flow in the creek from the windows, exactly the kind of place I am looking for πŸ™‚ far far away from the city, from everyone, unreachable …I am in a peaceful place! It is so silent there that my ear would start hearing a ‘zzzzzzzzzzz’ sound!

So far loving it, only thing is it doesn’t feel like it should be that expensive, but anyway, let’s see how it goes. I finally have what I wanted, at least now I will not be complaining about it anymore!


This has been in my mind for few years, I was always excited and happy when I used to see other people taking nice pics, the color, the effect has always inspired me to do some photography. But as always, I either didn’t have time or was too lazy to start.
Now I felt its the perfect time to learn something different and new πŸ™‚
So, as a first step I bought the camera: Nikon D7000! Heard so much about it! I am still very new, and mostly taking pics in auto mode. But whenever I get chance, am trying to learn the techniques of taking quality pics. This link is a nice place where I took a tutorial tour for the basics. Also looking into this for basic understanding of ISP, Shutter Speed and Aperture!

I am pretty excited and hope to take some nice shots! Looking forward to sharing some digital creativity!!!


New Career & New Begining

A break for three months wasn’t bad! However, I did realize how hard it is to stay home πŸ™‚ So, slowly I started looking for jobs and ended up accepting the offer from NYPL (New York Public Library).

One of the main reason I chose it because of the work life balance it offers. I wanted to work at a place where I can learn and grow without any pressure, and this is exactly the place! I am so happy. The other interesting thing is, since its a library I finally could force myself to visit the library once in a while and READ(though I worked as a Software Developer in an IT department, almost every office/branch is connected to one library :))! Yesterday, I made a library card and was walking around the book aisles, without even knowing what I want. And I ended up collecting 3 books, in fact I started reading one of them and loving it!

This is exactly the kind of life I was looking forward to: enough work to keep myself busy but not overwhelming, enough time to learn new technologies and grow, and enough time to keep in touch with friends and family!

Peace is what giving me most happiness right now. I hope to utilize this wonderful opportunity to do the things I always wanted to. For now, I want to finish two books this month, and the best part is I finished almost half of both books so far, so I see good chances of achieving what I plan already πŸ˜‰

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.