What Exactly Do We Want??

I was talking to my friend today who reads ALL THE TIME. In 24 hours, she either sleeps, or works at office or read books. During weekends whole day she reads. Its not like technical or academic books. She reads mostly fictional books, magazines.
I suddenly asked her today, what exactly she wants from her life except for writing C code for chips 😛 (She works at Broadcom Bluetooth department and write C codes for chips that are integrated in iPhones). To my surprise, she replied, she wants to become a literature professor!!!! She like what she does now but she can not imagine doing this (coding) for the rest of her life. She plans to get into some literature major and change her so far acquired track of Computer Science and become a literature lecturer!!!! I was speechless for a while and was wondering how crystal clear she is about what she wants. Irrespective of any other things like getting married or having children she knows what she wants and she is determined to pursue it.
And then the most obvious question popped up in my mind: Do I really know what I want?? Or even if I know it am I prepared to really pursue it?? Am I prepared to give up the so called social pressure around me and go forward with my own choices?? And am I really sure what I want is what I really want?? Ok, now its getting confused!! So am I confused?? Why?? Why can’t I be crystal clear like many other people and go ahead with what exactly I dream of and I’m capable of??What are the boundaries that hinders my decisions?? Do I want to spend my life doing these Java/C Code?? Do I envision myself doing that forever (till I die)??
Honestly speaking, so far I lived my life exactly the way I wanted to. Then why I am scared to think different, step ahead with something that I’ll enjoy, I’ll love to do. Am I scared of my age?? My birthday is in few days and as I can see, I am getting really old 😦
So, am I scared of accepting my age?? But then one day I’ll be 40…50?? How will I accept those ages then??
One of my friend who’s 26 was crying the other day and praying if she could be 22 and reorganize her life. So can I really say age matters??
I know a senior brother who’s 37 years old, have two kids and just finished his PhD, it took him 6 years to finish and he never took the age or his family as an obstacle for doing what his heart always asked for and dreamed of. At the age of 32, he would have cried and thought if he could be 25, he would have done the PhD, he would have lived like rest thousands others doing the same thing each day, and getting old. But he did something different, he get into the school at that time, and now after finishing his PhD he immediately joined Yahoo in some senior position.
I have been thinking about another very good friend of mine, who is planning for a family now at the age of 35. She has always went for what she wanted and now when she is completely stabled with her choices and desires and really looking forward to start her family. She seems very excited and happy!! She loves her job and can’t wait to have a nice family soon!!
My best friend who lives in Australia have 3 kids, she was the person among all of our friend circle who we thought would get married last and become some scientist. But while doing her BS she realized her dream of life is to have a family and kids, and that’s all she cared for. So she went ahead with that and now living an amazing housewife life with family.
Life is too short to decide what we really want, and when sometimes fortunately we somewhat discover what we really want, our choices are restricted by other elements of life – the things which are out of our reach and we have no control of. These days because of too much leisure time 😛 I have been thinking about all these things, the more I think the more I realize how pathetically we limit our choices, we restrict our steps, and instead of spending this short life happily, we end up messing it up even more miserably and this short life is lived under sadness and depression even before we notice its over!!!!!!
So I believe, when we know what we want we should try to stick to it, we should let the intention give a chance to evolve, to grow irrespective of our age limits, our surrounding choices, our boundaries and obstacles. We should at least give a try for a while and see the impacts. If we die without even trying we would never know the result of those ‘what ifs’!!! “What exactly do we want” or “What exactly we are passionate about” is the first question we need to answer and then if we can figure out the answer (atleast to some extent), we must give our best try in every possible way to go for it!!!!

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