Yes its my birthday today and trust me its been a long time I am here in this planet 🙂
I woke up in the morning and the first thing I felt like doing is looking ten years back…trying to recollect the memories of how I was and what I wanted for myself in ten years…was I very shy?? Was I more exciting and lovely…was I more dedicated and full of spirit….was I..was I? Many questions popped into my mind and I tried figuring out the Lipna I was back then and compare myself with the Lipna I am now…I wanted to see if I have improved in any way 😉 …if my hopes and dreams have come true to some extent….
Well…the first thing I remeber is I really really wanted to do my MS in America……I really really dreamed of working in a nice place …wearning nice formal dress…walking to my nive office with busy steps…I wanted my family to always feel I am the person they can depend on…and here I am….after 10 years..I am living this dream….
On the flip side there are other things I dreamed and could not make it….I expected I would be a really good writer by now….I would write write and write something potential and good…I really wanted to get involved into some activities that would benifit Bangladeshis…be it doing something for our young generation or helping victims of natural disastars. But I did not get involved in any such things….Finally one of my wildest dream was to become a singer and sing in stage…thats IMPOSSIBLE…I can’t even sing in bathroom 😦
I am confused about one thing I wanted: be a very strong person..am I strong now?? Living by myself…struggling with my loneliness and this severe weather here ;)…..doing groceries myself and going to doctor alone when I am damn sick….am I not strong enough to do those?? Sometimes I completely gets frustrated..there are broken moments when I feel unbelievable emptyness….sometimes am just not capable of handling my emotions…do things am not supposed to do…does it imply that I am weak…do I still consider myself strong…may be not….I still have to work on that….
However, I have reached the conclusion that the place where Lipna was standing ten years back had many many obstacles ahead…the dreams she had for herself were really difficult from the place she was standing…. but after ten years I see that she has overcome the main struggle…..and now here she is, smiling at me…..and she is happy to say: “Yes I did it :)”
There are many other dreams and hopes still awaiting to be fullfilled…but I think I have nothign to lose now…all I need is some strenth within…..and some believe..and go ahead and work hard on those….thats all I need!
So my birthday wish for myself is:
“Throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the winds in your sails. Dream. Explore. Discover“